Goodbye, Alfie

Alfie's gear was packed, feeding instructions written down, and Alfie himself received a thorough grooming.  Monday came, our goodbyes were said, one last picture was taken...

...and I handed over his leash for the last time.  I did better than I thought I would; I managed not to break down and cry or do anything embarrassing.

That came later.

I had to run to the store for something and as I pulled up to the traffic light the random thought broke into my consciousness:  This was the first intersection where we crossed 4 lanes of traffic together.  I remembered Alfie's aplomb despite his young age and the busy traffic, as well as his polite tolerance of a toddler who patted his head as she walked the opposite direction with her mama.  Sure enough, tears start to well up.

OK, OK, calm down, I think as the light turns green and I head for the store...impossible not to remember, though, the many times I'd been here with Alfie:  how well he knew his "lefts" and "rights" (better than many people, actually)...how much he enjoyed finding the counter...how impressed people were that I could drop his leash anywhere and he'd relax into an automatic down/stay, always smiling at what I'm sure he took to be his adoring public.  No point in fighting the tears any more, so I just let them come! 

Somehow I manage to get my errand done, but the scene replays daily in various forms no matter where I go:

This is the store where some kids came racing around the corner and ran right into us...
We went and saw a movie with Alfie at that theater...
I remember working those steep  stairs there...
That's where we rode the bus the first time...

...And on and on.  At some stores, the staff even miss Alfie and ask about him!  I went to pick up a prescription and was greeted with, "Where is your dog?"  He's become, in some ways, almost a part of me. 

But there's a sweetness to the sorrow, too:  If he already means this much to me, imagine what he'll mean to his partner as a fully trained guide.  That's what it's always been about, I remind myself.

Larry promised to update me on Alfie, and I'll post any news I get to this blog just in case there are still any interested readers out there!  My own life is opening a new chapter and I'm excited about what it may hold...who knows, maybe I'll continue blogging in some form later on, once I get settled.  This blog has been a fun journey for me, and seems to have taken on a life of its own!

I wake up to an oddly silent room in the mornings now.  No crate beside my bed, no questioning Grrr? coming from inside.  I used to flop over and unlatch the door with one hand, and he'd come out sleepily, yawning and leaning into me with a sort of Wawagaaa and a big whiskery kiss on the face. 

Now there's just a crate-sized square of mashed-down carpet at my bedside...and, forever, an imprint on my heart.

Love you, Alfie.